I don't want to be fixed

I don't know about you, but for me life is always harder when I'm trying to fix everything. So I finally decided that maybe being "fixed" is not the way to go. I was reading I Samuel Ch. 1 about a year ago when it really hit me. This chapter is about Hannah, and in verses 15 &16 she talks about "pouring out my soul to the Lord" and "praying here out of my great anguish and grief." Praying out of "great anguish and grief" this sounded like something I wanted, but I wasn't sure if I had ever prayed like that before. I wondered what would make someone pray such a prayer. I came up with only one conclusion; she was broken. Hannah's heart was broken over the call God had put on her life to have a son. This wasn't about Hannah, but about God.

Psalm 34:18 says, "The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit." I'm always wanting to be closer to God, and his word says that He is close to the brokenhearted. If I truly want to follow God, then I must be broken.

Now there are two different types of broken. The first one is before someone knows the grace and forgiveness that God offers through Jesus. Before knowing Christ we are completely broken over ourselves, and that makes sense because we have no reason to be broken over anything else. However, after accepting what Jesus did for you, I believe it is clear that we are to be broken over everything but ourselves. It will cost you something to follow Christ, and that something is yourself.

Being a broken believer, means I "pour out my soul to the Lord" over everything but me. I'm broken over my neighbor, my wife, my friends, my enemies, and everyone in-between. Being "fixed", means going back to me, which in turns means for me sin. All my sin comes from my selfishness, so to go back to me, is to go back to my selfishness. I still do not go a day where I don't pursue myself at some point, but this is what I'm trying to die to daily. Being broken doesn't mean being perfect, it just gives me a different perspective on what it means to love God and love my neighbor as myself.

Why does everything have to have a title?

This is my first attempt at a blog, and the hardest part so far is just coming up with titles for everything. You have to title your blog, you have to title your post, and you need a car title just to get started. I'm a pastor and I hate titling my sermons. Mainly because God may completely change what He wants to say come Saturday night or Sunday morning, and then you've got this title just hanging out in thin air that will never be used. It's amazing that I was ever able to agree with my wife on the names of our two daughters.

I've titled my blog "Broken" for a couple of reasons. One, this is the name of the Saturday night worship service I preach at, and two, because I believe God is calling us to be broken. When everybody else is offering to fix everything and everyone, I think God is offering to help us live in brokenness. I know that may not sound like what you've heard before, but I think that's the point.

I will explain more in another post, but for now the whole title thing is making me tired.